The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms

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Specifically, women take longer to orgasm and are less likely to orgasm from penile-vaginal penetration. And if the goal is for two people to have an orgasm at the same time, then how long it takes you to come and what kind of stimulation gets you there -- well, those are things you need to be able to match up. You need three things for that: You need a high degree of control over your own sexual response. You need a modality that provides enough of the right kind of stimulation to get you both to orgasm. In short, you need control, modality, and attention.

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Castellanos, MD. So many of us think our body needs to experience pleasure in a different way than it already does. It sometimes feels like I can't read a sex article without seeing the phrase "elusive female orgasm.

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  6. I'm right there with you! I don't think female orgasm is any more difficult, complicated, or elusive than male orgasm. The problem is that we approach the female orgasm the way we approach the male orgasm. Namely, that we think women should be able to orgasm from intercourse because men can orgasm from intercourse. We make women feel ashamed for needing clitoral stimulation.

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    Some say we put too much importance on orgasms. Why do you think the ability to orgasm is important? Even though I teach women how to orgasm for a living, I agree that we place too much emphasis on it.

    People forget that the way to have an orgasm is to be experiencing pleasure. But whereas an orgasm lasts seconds, you can experience pleasure for hours on end.

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    Yes, orgasm is typically the peak experience of pleasure, but that doesn't mean those other moments don't feel good! Although my courses are about orgasm, I really try to focus on the pleasure itself. I also sneak in messages like developing better body confidence, learning how to communicate about sex, and being more playful in the bedroom.

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    4. That being said, I do believe that learning how to get yourself off is the most empowering experience a woman can have. Especially given how the deck is stacked against us with how we talk about female orgasm as a society.

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      There's something so powerful about taking ownership of your body; declaring yourself deserving of pleasure; and being willing to give your body all the time, attention, and love it needs. I still get chills every time one of my clients tells me she had her first orgasm. What are the biggest myths you come across around the female orgasm, other than that it should happen through intercourse?

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      One myth that I'm working with a lot right now is that if you haven't learned how to orgasm yet, it's because you're emotionally "blocked. Or they think they must have problems with losing control. While it's true that orgasm can be an emotional experience, most of the time, learning how to orgasm is really an issue of technique. I approach orgasm from a pretty technical standpoint because there are specific strategies that you need to learn. This is a silly example, but it's like saying, "I don't know how to play the piano yet. I must be emotionally blocked.